Good play on words
Even if I say so myself, this little gag of mine was rather good. Mrs W was watching Deutsche Welle - the bizarre German-language cable channel that flip-flops between English and German. The English voiceovers have a translated quality about them and are delivered in American/German accents.

Anyway, there was a feature on the restoration of baroque buildings in Dresden. (Yes, this really is the kind of stuff you get on this channel. I was in the kitchen and just watching out of the corner of my eye.) In the voiceover, the word baroque was pronounced Loyd Grossman-style to rhyme with poke or joke. "Bar-oke" architecture was being renovated. Quick as a flash, I said: "If it ain't bar-oke, don't fix it." Just like that. Rocket fast too. Drums and cymbal please.
04.01.06 @ 02:23 PM PDT [link]

Tesco's finest chicken, spinach & gruyere cheese pie
Generously filled with pieces of tender British chicken in a creamy spinach, Gruyere cheese and rosemary sauce, finished with a butter enriched shortcrust pastry.

I went to Gruyere once. It was, without a doubt, the kitschest place I have ever - in all my born days - encountered. Bunting decorated the cobbled streets, Swiss music was piped over a public address system and the shops sold yodelling cows.

The only place that remotely rivalled it was Lucerne. There, I sat in bier keller while a pantomime cow roamed among the customers and people threw flags in the air. I think it was for the tourists.
03.29.06 @ 03:34 PM PDT [link]

Mrs W breaks her wrist and a whole new world opens up
A few weeks ago, Mrs W decided to go skating. Two hours of enjoyment, followed by one moment of madness. She only goes and does her wrist in, doesn't she? Since then, she's been sporting attractive pink and purple plaster casts. But there's a problem. You can't get them wet. And that's where this ingenious product comes in very handy.

Limbo (geddit?) allows you to bath and shower at leisure.

I'm just worried about the person who modelled for the diagram in the top right-hand corner. That's just too much of your body to try to keep dry.


Skating hell leads to Limbo: showers are possible once again.
03.29.06 @ 03:29 PM PDT [link]

Mystery of the old town, Hemel Hempstead
I spent some time in Hemel Hempstead last week with a client. The old town is very picturesque and I took a couple of snaps. It was only when I developed them in the Woodford digital dark room that I noticed something rather odd. They were taken at lunchtime - about 1.20 or 1.25. But there isn't a soul in the street. Where have all the people gone?



03.26.06 @ 04:05 PM PDT [link]

My policy with wine
I look for bottles that are nine or ten quid, but marked down to £3.99. There's usually always one. You just have to be patient and allow another five minutes' shopping time.
03.26.06 @ 03:58 PM PDT [link]

Nice spam header
Is ur gf still disapproving u in the nightime activiteis

My response: no my gf sez i is da best in dis respcet
03.26.06 @ 03:56 PM PDT [link]

Comedy moment at John Lewis
Me at the top of an escalator with two very large and heavy boxes. I can just about see over the top of the boxes, but I can't see my feet.

I step on to the escalator, but don't have a proper footing. A slow motion feeling of looming disaster as the top box (containing an expensive piece of computer kit) wobbles precariously and I wobble precariously with it. I tell you, I was one second away - no more - from falling a**e over t*t and probably breaking my neck. But I was definitely thinking more of the money. Amazing how your mind works in times of crisis.

I subsequently found a lift.


03.26.06 @ 03:54 PM PDT [link]