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03/29/2006: "Tesco's finest chicken, spinach & gruyere cheese pie"

Generously filled with pieces of tender British chicken in a creamy spinach, Gruyere cheese and rosemary sauce, finished with a butter enriched shortcrust pastry.

I went to Gruyere once. It was, without a doubt, the kitschest place I have ever - in all my born days - encountered. Bunting decorated the cobbled streets, Swiss music was piped over a public address system and the shops sold yodelling cows.

The only place that remotely rivalled it was Lucerne. There, I sat in bier keller while a pantomime cow roamed among the customers and people threw flags in the air. I think it was for the tourists.